I was listening to a podcast the other day, on this topic and I guess it inspired me to write this post. I know in the grand scheme of things, I still have so much life to live and so much to learn but it doesn’t mean that what I have learned so far isn’t valuable. I went through a couple of breakups during my teens and I also had to get over guys I had crushes on, who wouldn’t give me the time of day (and haven’t we all been there at least once in our lifetime)! If you ever have to deal with a breakup with a boyfriend/girlfriend, a friendship breakup (which I hope you never have to go through!), or a breakup with someone who barely knows you exist, you will find this post helpful.
Luckily, I haven’t had to go through any sort of breakup in years, which gave me time to reflect on how I did things in the past and realise what I could do better to make it easier on myself. Breakups suckkkk so take all the advice you can get.
First of all, let yourself feel all the emotions. Bottling up your feelings and pretending that you are “fine” won’t take you very far. Breakups are sad! Don’t expect yourself to be back to normal, and feel totally fine when you have just gone through something so emotional. Let yourself be sad, cry it out and vent about it to your best friends. You have to get everything out of your system before you can ever move forward.
Give it time. I am not sure that time does heal everything, but it sure as heck helps. A lot. Give yourself time to feel and process things. It might take you six months or two years. Eventually, you will get there.
Only talk about it with people you truly trust. Sometimes people will be curious and ask questions but don’t let yourself go there. Keep your private life, private. You can just say that things didn’t work out and leave it at that.
Do not dwell on all the what-ifs and buts. Put away all the presents you exchanged, all the pictures you have together, anything that reminds you of them, and remind yourself that the relationship you once had is over. If you are meant to be together I am sure you will find your way back. For the time being, remember you broke up for a reason!
You don’t have to be “friends” with an ex. Especially right after the breakup. The same thing goes for a crush as well. Do whatever you need to do to get over them. Unfriend them, delete their number, unfollow them. Block them if that’s what it takes and avoid seeing them if that’s what you need. Don’t go to the party or meet-up you know they will be attending. Don’t be afraid to truly distance yourself from them. At least, until you are healed and ready to face them again. To face them might seem like the “courageous” thing to do, but it will do nothing to help you get over them.
Journal / keep a diary. Talking it out with your friends always helps, but your friends can only do so much. Getting over someone is a long process and to help with that I would highly encourage you to start writing down all your thoughts and emotions. It is truly so therapeutic and it helps you actually process everything you are feeling at the time.
Focus on yourself. That is not the time to jump into a new relationship. The period after a breakup is your time to heal, reflect on the relationship, learn from it, and work on yourself. If you need something to help you get your mind off things, pick up a hobby (not a guy). Take the time to be with yourself and only once you are 100% over and done with your last relationship (when you are truly healed and have no feelings towards your ex, either good or bad), start dating again.
It’s not a race between you and your ex. How they choose to move on after your breakup, has nothing to do with you. Don’t ask about them, don’t talk with them, and most importantly do not compare yourself to them. Regardless of what they are doing out in public, nobody knows how they truly feel inside. If they feel ready to move on, good for them. It doesn’t mean you have to do the same. Life is not a competition. So block out the noise and stay in your own lane.
My final tip, to sum it all up, is do whatever the heck makes you feel better. You do not have to pretend to be okay with the breakup when in reality you are heartbroken. Admit it. There is nothing more courageous than that! If you cannot bring yourself to be in the same room as them, get the heck out of there. You do not have to prove anything to anyone. You take care of your heart and if you come off as a b*tch at times, so be it. It will all be worth it in the end.
Top – Zara
Blazer – Zara
Jeans – Replay
Bag – Parfois
Necklace & earrings – Ebay